oh my god i feel so sleepy and i want to sleep but i cant cause im still waiting for the time to come to take my medicine :/// ew. i slept in the living room last night and i think im sleeping in the living room again tonight. i want to sleep. i couldn't sleep last night cause it was so bloody hot with the fan on so i slept at 2 instead. woke up at nine so i watched danny phantom and pokemon, haha. din watch ben 10 cause i went to eat breakfast.
stud date tmr. i think im studying geog i dunno. hope it will be a productive one since i din do anything the past few days. ew ew ew.
my nano looks so pretty (: but its damn thin and looks very fragile. it feels like its going to snap into half anytime when i hold it :/
im going to take my medicine now.
hate you.
kailin<3
@ 11:57 PM
these few days went pass in a blur. cant really rmb much anymore. jus that i din do much, very unprductive. last day as a crescentian ytd. farewell assembly was amazing and everything. din cry but feel sad at the thought of having to leave crescent.
can still rmb when ms koh came to xingnan to promote crescent. at that point of time in pri 6 i still dunno which sch i want to go to cause i wanted to go a sch where nobody knows me and start afresh. and i was damn amazed by the tablet and everything and i really wanted that tablet. and my mum wanted me to go crescent too. she wanted my sis to go crescent too. crescent was my sis's first choice too, haha.
sec 1my first year at crescent. i can still rmb going to sch being very excited and everything. oh, and i wore my tie, haha. cos i din noe dun need to wear. chengyee was my first friend at crescent. after that, got quite close to jesslyn but we din stay together for very long. i went with valerie soon and we begin to get closer and closer. sec 1 year was damn carefree and everything and i even got 3rd in class for mid years, haha. oh and i got my tablet around july. and because of that, my grades drop alot cos i was playing games and everything. i can still rmb i got 1 A, 2Bs and 3Cs. sec 1 year was the best of all. during orientation, i met carren! among all the councilors who are supposed to take care of us, i can rmb her the best. and in that year, i got jolynn as my angel! i can still rmb its on cca day. keep writing letters and everything to her. and soon after, i got carren as my angel too! we din exchange alot of letters but i still love her alot (:
sec 2streaming year. the year which valerie and i quarelled almost everyday and it was quite horrible. cant really rmb much except that i was damn determined on getting into triple. i stayed up late every night till 2 am to study with ge dou in the background. was damn tired and my head hurts everyday. oh and i can still rmb the mini gathering 6E had on teachers day. very fun! (: and it was that point of time where i confirmed something. in the end i did get into triple. was damn damn damn happy and everything. also had 6E gahering at east coast that year. very few ppl went but still, it was fun. and i did something which i din expect that i will do. and i end up crying because of that. started to talk on the phone at nights and start to like talking on the phone, with the correct ppl of course.
sec 3definitely my worst and best year ever. it was damn stressful with all the 3 sciences and everything but it was still rather okay i guess...nothing much to say about it.
sec 4ah the best year ever in crescent! ((: really. i dropped physics this year cause i really cannot stand physics. my lim also advised me to drop and ask me to concentrate on other subjects. so i got alot of free periods. and became friends again with padma (: and got closer to shihan and addy. cant really rmb much also, just know that i study alot and relax alot. i wasn't that nervous for mid years and my L1R5 was 20 which is rather bad. oh and i cried alot for bio during mid years because i scored B3 when i thought and wanted A1. prelims were rather okay, unexpectedly.
show my dad my report book and i told him i improve alot. and all that he said was '为什么有B4的?' -.- he din like say 'oh very good got improve' he jus ask me why got B4. -.-.- hmph. nvm.
post up pics on farewell assembly another day. when i get them.
mummy bought me my nano! (((((: thank you mummy! :D yay yay yay.
i got sick ytd and i dunno why. it jus came suddenly. i wanted to go alone to see the doc but my mum din allow cause she was scared that i will faint. i guess i look very pale and about to faint, haha. so she called my dad and she him to bring me to see the doctor. then the doctor never even listen to my heartbeat or anything. he just ask me whether got cough or flu or whatever then just like that. -.- i wonder whats wrong with me. must get well. i want to go out and study on sunday (:
been talking alot to padma these few days, haha. in PAT, during recess, during english, while eating cup noodles at 7-11. cried in the car after i saw the doctor. rang padma up and cried even more and my nose was like completely blocked. thanks padma! <33
will you go in the end? if im not present?
kailin<3
@ 11:47 AM
i feel so tired now that i dun wan to do emath or geog. feel like sleeping instead and my shoulder is hurting. so i got back all my other results and some of them were really quite surprising for me. i din fail english and it jumped one grade because of the 5% thing :D i failed compre but i wasn't that sad or whatever because i always fail the compre, haha. i din get my A1 for emath and i was damn annoyed. keep telling guin that i got A1 for emath and amath haha. i got distinction for geog haha. it jumped another grade again but i was very happy already. my physical geog pulled me down instead of human geog. i almost failed physical geog. and i dunno why, but scored pretty high for human geog :D was damn happy and shocked when i received my human geog paper. history went well too (: before we received our history paper i was like saying if i dun get 40 marks for history, im going to shoot someone. then shihan was saying if she dun get 50 marks for history she is going to shoot someone, haha. in the end i got 42! was damn damn happy and it pulled my whole CH to a A1, haha! :D i improved quite a bit for my L1R5 so i did get my wish of scoring 12 for prelims. it was lower than that with the 5% thing, haha! yay.
the past week is damn hectic. i was doing papers everyday and cramming and studying. my head was hurting everyday and i was damn tired. din do anything the past few days cos i was too tired, haha. went for amath mock ytd. nothing much, the questions were pretty okay. but i was like damn damn careless and if im not careless, i could score like so much higher. damn stupid.
talked on the phone on friday night (: yay i like talking on the phone at nights with the correct person, haha. talked until 2 something. i was very sleepy and had to sleep cos there's amath mock the next day. and i lost la. nvm, i will win the next time.
went out to study with sherry, sinyee and haxin. li came around 3 i think to teach sherry bio. i thought i was late but sherry was even later than me. haixin was at the arcade so sherry and i went to look for him. sherry din want to eat mas so we went to food court. after that, din know what to eat then went to mos burger. din finished what i ordered cos i dun want to eat already and it din taste very nice to me. i only finished my coke cos i wanted to drink coke. sinyee came and talked alot of crap. i kept shaking my head because of some stuff, cant stand it. bought my play magazine after eating. went to the lib after that and couldn't find seats so sat on the floor. did chem and i finished my 2 papers. li came and teach sherry bio. it was damn funny and i kept laughing. li helped me to do some of my chem questions cos i was too lazy to think. he left around 5 i think, cant rmb. went back to jp at 6 and went to ljs. sherry din want to buy and i dunno why so she went to buy sushi with the money that i returned to haixin. i din want to go home and sherry wanted to play arcade so we went to find haixin at the arcade. sinyee went home first. they played but i din, haha. they were playing basketball and i was scared at first so i stood at one corner. after awhile stood closer to watch them play. sherry scare me a few times because she was holding the ball and she turned and face me and i thought she was going to hit me. they played a few rounds and wanted to go home after that but i din want to go home.
ahem walked home instead from jp and it was quite tiring and hot. walked the 179 way so it wasn't very far away. and now my right shoulder is aching because of my bag. haha, im sorry and thank
you.
what should i do? how i wish this would end. but no, i just go deeper instead.
kailin<3
@ 10:43 PM
lessons ytd were fine, just going thru of papers. but it was damn cold, they switched on all the air-con. got back ss, bio, chem and amath. i din really feel anything, jus knowing that i will fail when they were passing down the ss paper, cos i din study much for ss, just like study for 1 hour plus while talking with shihan the night before. so i was kinda prepared to fail the whole thing. they passed down the SEQ first and yeah i failed. i got 3/12 and 9/13 for the essays, which is quite bad. and then they passed down the SBQ which i felt like laughing after that. i got 21/25 for SBQ and that pulled my whole grade to a B3 for ss, haha! chia walked down and she saw my SEQ mark. she then like quickly went to see my SBQ and she said not bad before walking away (: got back bio after recess. and i finally got my A1 for bio!!! :DDDD was damn damn damn happy. i wanted an A1 for bio but i din expect that the score would be that high (: and they added like 5 percent of the mid year mark to the bio mark so i got even higher (: was damn happy and guin got annoyed with me cos i was sitting in front of her, being very happy and everything. din go for lunch because i need to amend my darfur SBQ. got back chem after lunch and i din fail but it was quite bad. jus like one more mark or something to jump to the next grade. and then same as bio, we need to add 5 percent of our mid year mark to our chem mark, so my chem jumped one grade higher! choo also jumped one grade higher and both of us were damn happy and everything. shihan and choo were like acting out the scene from their HCL compre and it was damn funny. got back amath after chem and was damn pissed/annoyed with myself. i haf never ever scored so low for amath in any major exam before. i always scored a distinction in amath since last year. and always close to A1 or A1 itself. but i scored a pathetic B4 for it and i could not believe my mark when i saw it ytd. and i got more pissed off when i flipped through the paper. the whole paper was filled with damn stupid careless mistakes till i feel like slapping myself. there was one qn where i put v=x+3. and what is dv/dx? 3 -.- and since that is the first part, the whole qn was wrong. there was another qn which i multiply 1/3 to pi x^2. and what is my ans? pi x^3/3 -.- like seriously. and all these qns are like rate of change and differentiation. there are more stupid careless mistakes which are damn stupid. omg. i could haf got A1 for it. i lost so many marks cause im careless. first time i scored so low for amath. was very pissed off at myself. i better score A1 for emath if not im going to hit someone.
i think our batch did quite badly for english. omg, i dun wan to get a C grade for eng again. and im worried for geog cos i need to use it for L1R5. im scared for both papers. i hope history will be as well as or even better than SS cos i studied for it. ah well, i will know my marks 2 days later.
cried pretty badly last night. we've been having this discussion since the beginning of this year. is it really cause you know me best or you jus dun think i can make it? is it really because you think i should take it easy? am i really like what you said? im very very tired of this, i hate this.
my eyes were a bit swollen this morning when i woke up but nobody noticed apparently. havent do anything productiove yet, so i shall go do amath later.
i feel like talking to you again but i dunno why, i dun like this feeling. at all.
kailin<3
@ 6:19 PM
these 3 days were interesting and boring at the same time. there were alot of talks by JCs and everything and i finally really know what the h1, h2 and h3 thing is about. haiz. but i still dunno where i want to go but i sort of know what subjects i want to take if i got JC. still, im considering poly but i dunno what to take if i go there. some talks were rather funny and interesting and i got to know my personality type. hmm, rather nice (: and during the feedback form, while chossing our 3 fav talks, we put the talk by SAJC and the reason that me, padma and juani wrote is that mrs lee came, haha! but really ma, the whole sch was damn damn happy when we saw mrs lee (: official lessons start tmr and i dun haf to come to sch starting from the 2nd of oct. oh, and they started pasting all the posters for the countdown to o's already. so it means that it is exactly a month away from o's which means that i should start studying like tmr. cant wait for them to be over. getting prelim results tmr, hope it will be fine. and im free from 0745 to 0900 tmr, dunno what to do. think i should just sleep. i've been getting like less than 5 hours of sleep these days and my head is starting to hurt.
watched hana yori dango finals on tues with mira, nad, van, jiali, wendy, fi, cindy and ruiting. the movie was awesome and me and van keep laughing when nobody is laughing, haha. im so going to buy the cd when it comes out! haf to buy it :D
it feels terrible when you haf nothing to do at night and you cant sleep. when you are alone, when there is no one you can talk to and you just sit there on the bed doing nothing. no matter how hard you try to stop the emotions from coming, how you try to stop thinking, it does not work. and then you started tearing and crying and started thinking back. and all these go on for a few hours until like 1 or 2am and you just doze off without knowing it. sometimes i really wonder how you feel but obviously, it is only me who is feeling this way. the only one who feels sad and helpless about it. i tried to control myself but it does not work. i even feel that im very stupid sometimes. but i cant help it.
teared a little in the car today, on the way to school, while listening to yi shi de mei hao on the radio. thank goodness its not that song if not i dun think i can even control myself.
i dun want to cry because of you anymore. because you know what, dun want to say this, but really, sometimes i feel that you are not worth it. its not your fault, i know, its entirely not your fault. just blame it on my stupidity.
and i will think about what i want and make my choice carefully. but no matter what, still haf to put my head down and chiong for it. im going to find my motivation somewhere and chiong, just like how i did for the previous 2 years. going to study at the lib during weekends.
will you be there for me if i need you?
kailin<3
@ 10:42 PM
firstly,
PRELIMS ARE OVER :DDDDDD
omg, im finally done with them after like 3 weeks! (((((: chem paper on friday was totally rubbish. the paper was damn damn damn hard. its like the hardest paper among all the others. i couldn't get to sleep the night before because i was worried, thinking of the chem paper tmr. omg so stupid. maybe its just me because my chem sucks. ew im so going to fail chem and leow will ask me to go for remedial/extra lessons or whatsoever and give me loads of practice papers to do and ask me to go for complusory consultation ))))))): why is it so freaking hard?! ah well, maybe its just me ): ew i dun wan to fail chem ):
no sch on monday! cos dun haf chinese anymore :D i want to wach boys over flower!! ((: its like the finale of hana yori dango and i want to watch! nvm i think i will buy the cd anyway when its out. and ming zhong zhu ding got 4 parts. so i need to spend like 90 bucks if i want to buy everything ): buy le jiu broke liao.
my mum woke me up today at 12 and ask me to go jp to get her some stuff. make me feel so tired the whole day today. oh and i read finish midnight sun (: its great, amazing, wonderful, exciting, fabulous. it makes me really feel edward's love for bella and how much he wants her to be safe, how much he try to control himself, how much he loves her. but that is only the draft and i know the final product will be much much more amazing and wonderful and i really want midnight sun to be published.
for now, im going to enjoy myself before i chiong for o's. i guess im going to go to the lib during weekends to study cos i will be super distracted if i stay home. i suddenly want to see laoshi and talk to her. somehow miss laoshi's lessons, haiz. oh and im very happy today and padma knows why (:
i want to talk to you, i miss you alot ): love you.
you. i really really really really wish things will go my way. but they never will. i know that it will never be how i want it to be. but i dun really want to accept that fact. haiz. i know i will never ever forget this, i never will. how i wish i can let you know. tell me a way to stop this and i will gladly do it, really.
kailin<3
@ 11:57 PM
din go to sch today because i dun haf any papers. emath paper 2 okay...rather easy i think, compared to mid years. there are some questions which are very very weird. hope can get good marks and that i dun make any careless mistakes. amath paper 2 was weird. i think my A1 is gone for amath can. i never ever done such a amath paper. haiz. din study japan for history but it was still rather okay. but my combined humans are gone cos i din study ss. geog paper 1 was damn damn damn hard can. ew. the questions were weird and i spend like dunno how long just to choose the questions. cannot do qn 4 at all because i din study vegetation. ew im going to fail geog ): chem on friday but i dun feel like studying for it, haha. cant wait for prelims to be over then i will haf a long weekend cos there is no sch on monday! (: haiz. i should start studying chem soon. but im going to fail chem anyway. esp for leow's paper since its going to be super hard.
shall go read midnight sun soon (: edward♥♥
slept at 2 the night before emath and geog paper because of some reasons. got a shock that night and talked on the phone while studying map reading. in the end i din even choose the map reading question cos the other parts of the question was too hard, haha. but still, thank
you (:
kailin<3
@ 5:49 PM
